Gas Lighting: Are you Gas Lighting Yourself?
I posted something the other day about someone pulling down my mask on a date to kiss me with out asking permission.
One woman commented that she does not wear a mask. And it sparked some pushback. Someone called her selfish. Her response was “I just choose to breathe and not breathe invisible poisons from the fabric. U will understand one day it’s fine. Live ur dreams in a mask or not. I’m 12thousand lifetimes old.”
Before I continue, I’d like to clarify that this post is not about wearing masks. Please keep reading.
Her response sparked me to dig deeper into her profile. I discovered many posts around choosing to believe the positive, and if you choose to believe the negative it will come true.
This made me start to think about the people I have encountered that believe their positive thoughts will keep them safe, even when there is much evidence to the contrary.
I say YES! to positive thoughts. When you constantly think negative thoughts you DO program your subconscious and often those negative thoughts will play out, BUT if there is a purple people eater right in front of you, no matter how positively you think, the purple monster will not cease to exist.
Positive thinking along with acceptance is a POWERFUL thing! “Yes there is a purple monster in front of me, but I have agency and can try to escape” VS “There is a purple monster in front of me, and I am doomed to die” OR “What do you mean there is a purple monster in front of me. You’re lying!”
Which thinking pattern will give you the greatest chance of having a positive outcome?
Doom and Gloom people are easy to spot, but the ones that have the positive attitude are not as easy to pick out. They seem happy, like nothing bothers them. But they are just as likely to die as the doom and gloom person when faced with a purple people eater right in front of them.
Gas Lighting Yourself
Some people call this toxic positivity. I call it gas lighting yourself. One thing I have learned about gas lighting, is that the gas lighters have trouble with uncomfortable emotions.
When they are presented with something that stirs up these feelings they don’t like, the part of them that has difficulty with emotion will bend their beliefs in whatever way necessary to not feel the feeling anymore.
Sometimes it means making it someone else’s fault. Sometimes it’s a choice to believe something positive or not true because ACCEPTANCE of the truth means having to deal with difficult feelings
Before you get all judgey, think about the last time you avoid an uncomfortable feeling. Maybe you stuffed it down. Perhaps you changed the subject, had some cocktails, or just walked away. The desire to lean away from pain is BIG and REAL. We all do it at one time or another.
Acceptance can be a tough pill to swallow. And we all bend reality sometimes to avoid it.
Take time to notice the emotions that are stirred up in the conversations you have. And ask yourself: “Am I choosing to believe or not believe what they say because of the emotions it stirs up? Is the possibility that what they say is true too much for me to bear?”
Are you gas lighting yourself or others because it is too uncomfortable to be in acceptance? Would you like help with that? Schedule an initial conversation here.